In October, there is this awesome holiday completely centered around candy and pretending to be someone you're not. It's called Halloween.
In November there is a holiday where all the family members who hate each other vehemently come together at a central location to loath in silence while stuffing their face with calorie rich food.
NOT...
Ok, well not if you visit a store anywhere. There are two perfectly great holidays that are being skipped and pushed out the door by money hungry corporations that seem to think that by presenting people with EXPENSIVE gift ideas now, they will spend more money. However... we all know that at least 50% of the population wait until the week of Christmas to buy gifts... (I estimate that men=50% of the population, and that all men procrastinate. I assure you this statistic is in NO way scientific... just judgmental)
I feel that the population of impulse buyers, who happen to be roughly 50% of the population as well... (allowing that women are the other 50% of the population... and I promise this still isn't scientific) would buy TONS of Halloween and Thanksgiving stuff and junk to clutter the house for the next ten years if you would give them a chance!
I'm lobbying to BRING BACK GHOSTS AND TOMMY TURKEY!!!
Enjoy your fall holidays! (all of them!)
~The Goddess
Friday, November 5, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
It's Closing Time!
Anyone who has ever shopped has heard the pleasant announcements made that the store is closing. I know that whatever you have waited for the last minute to shop for is life threatening if you don't get it... which is why you waited until 8:45 to shop for it. BUT I would like to go home. I would like to put my feet up, enjoy a nice glass of wine, and watch some TV, then go to sleep so that when I wake up tomorrow to come back here, I can be as positive as I could be.
I don't appreciate your sales, or your business or you at all for that matter when you are in our store the last fifteen minutes we're open. Especially if you're here after close. We still have to close registers and take things upstairs after you leave.
Don't whine about the shorter hours on Sunday, because guess what?! You've had the whole day off, whereas I had to come to work to wait on you and your hypocritical bad attitude. I don't like you. None of us like you. So if you're going to whine about me not being there until 9:00 on a Sunday then GET OUT and take your terrible business elsewhere.
~Goddess
I don't appreciate your sales, or your business or you at all for that matter when you are in our store the last fifteen minutes we're open. Especially if you're here after close. We still have to close registers and take things upstairs after you leave.
Don't whine about the shorter hours on Sunday, because guess what?! You've had the whole day off, whereas I had to come to work to wait on you and your hypocritical bad attitude. I don't like you. None of us like you. So if you're going to whine about me not being there until 9:00 on a Sunday then GET OUT and take your terrible business elsewhere.
~Goddess
Monday, October 11, 2010
7 Steps to Use a Fitting Room
1. Peruse the items in the store in a clean and respectful manner, choosing only the most desirable items to evaluate for purchase.
2. Use a fitting room to ensure ideal fit and appearance of clothing items.
3. One person to a fitting room please. Refraining from any and all illicit activities of the adult nature and understanding that you really don't have all day.
4. When removing a perspective item from your body, place it back on its hanger correctly, or refold as you found it.
5. Repeat for each item.
6. Bring all items out of the fitting room properly rehung/refolded, and replace in their original position on the sales floor. *If you cannot remember where you found them, bring them to an associate at the register.
7. Bring your purchases to the associate that was assisting you. If no one was assisting you, pick the associate who looks like they are actually working.
Following these steps will bring you up and out of the class of terrible shoppers that are constantly dissatisfied with their purchases. You will a. find clothing that looks/fits perfectly on you! b. not return clothing items! c. ensure that store associates love you and greet you with a smiling face!
Only loving tips and hints for my favorite shoppers!
~ The Goddess
2. Use a fitting room to ensure ideal fit and appearance of clothing items.
3. One person to a fitting room please. Refraining from any and all illicit activities of the adult nature and understanding that you really don't have all day.
4. When removing a perspective item from your body, place it back on its hanger correctly, or refold as you found it.
5. Repeat for each item.
6. Bring all items out of the fitting room properly rehung/refolded, and replace in their original position on the sales floor. *If you cannot remember where you found them, bring them to an associate at the register.
7. Bring your purchases to the associate that was assisting you. If no one was assisting you, pick the associate who looks like they are actually working.
Following these steps will bring you up and out of the class of terrible shoppers that are constantly dissatisfied with their purchases. You will a. find clothing that looks/fits perfectly on you! b. not return clothing items! c. ensure that store associates love you and greet you with a smiling face!
Only loving tips and hints for my favorite shoppers!
~ The Goddess
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Shoplifters Beware
It's really very simple you see... If you're a crappy shoplifter, you deserve to get caught.
I take a certain amount of pride in my job, and I also mildly take it personal when someone who is incompetent gets away with stealing my product. It's not that I love the company so much that I can't stand to see them lose the $10 cost on that item, but it's become a game to me. I like to catch you mostly because I'm bored and I need the $100 in sales from those jeans you just stole.
There are three kinds of shoplifters: The good, the bad, and the ugly. If you're a bad shoplifter, please for the love of God give up now and go back to paying for your stuff.
I know the product on our floor fairly well, so when you've hung around for twenty minutes, and then spent another twenty minutes in the fitting room with those three pair of jeans in three different sizes never once coming out to use the three way mirror... I assume something is up... *hint* I call security.
Tag switchers are an especially ugly brand of shoplifter... They are the yellow bellies. They don't have the guts to just walk out with the merchandise and they are also dumb enough to think that we can't prosecute you for merely swapping prices, but SURPRISE! we can!
Arguing with me about my stupidity for not selling you that $97.50 Polo shirt for $7.50 is not going to get you anywhere but on my angry side. Please try again.
My manager recently caught a 24 year old woman tag switching. He called her out on it, called security, and at that point she peed her pants.
...I wish I was kidding.
In the middle of the department store, she peed in her pants. Prime example of a bad shoplifter.
We don't have security on site every day open to close, which I feel is the company's fault. Obviously it's not worth the cost of the item to them to put security tags on things or pay someone to be there that can do something about the problem. This boils down to me knowing that you're stealing, having proof, and when I call security and no one answers... you get to walk straight out of the store and there is not one single thing I can do to you. Enjoy those designer jeans!
Please, if you learned nothing else but this... don't pee your pants if you get caught shoplifting. It's embarrassing and people will laugh at you forever.
~The Goddess
I take a certain amount of pride in my job, and I also mildly take it personal when someone who is incompetent gets away with stealing my product. It's not that I love the company so much that I can't stand to see them lose the $10 cost on that item, but it's become a game to me. I like to catch you mostly because I'm bored and I need the $100 in sales from those jeans you just stole.
There are three kinds of shoplifters: The good, the bad, and the ugly. If you're a bad shoplifter, please for the love of God give up now and go back to paying for your stuff.
I know the product on our floor fairly well, so when you've hung around for twenty minutes, and then spent another twenty minutes in the fitting room with those three pair of jeans in three different sizes never once coming out to use the three way mirror... I assume something is up... *hint* I call security.
Tag switchers are an especially ugly brand of shoplifter... They are the yellow bellies. They don't have the guts to just walk out with the merchandise and they are also dumb enough to think that we can't prosecute you for merely swapping prices, but SURPRISE! we can!
Arguing with me about my stupidity for not selling you that $97.50 Polo shirt for $7.50 is not going to get you anywhere but on my angry side. Please try again.
My manager recently caught a 24 year old woman tag switching. He called her out on it, called security, and at that point she peed her pants.
...I wish I was kidding.
In the middle of the department store, she peed in her pants. Prime example of a bad shoplifter.
We don't have security on site every day open to close, which I feel is the company's fault. Obviously it's not worth the cost of the item to them to put security tags on things or pay someone to be there that can do something about the problem. This boils down to me knowing that you're stealing, having proof, and when I call security and no one answers... you get to walk straight out of the store and there is not one single thing I can do to you. Enjoy those designer jeans!
Please, if you learned nothing else but this... don't pee your pants if you get caught shoplifting. It's embarrassing and people will laugh at you forever.
~The Goddess
Monday, September 6, 2010
The Making of a Retail Goddess
Let me begin this journey assuring you that I do not think that I know everything in the world about retail. This is simply meant to give a little insight to the inner sanctum of those hard working people who brave holidays, snow, and terrible clients to provide you with your high fashion apparel that some seem to believe is a basic human need. Now I love my shoes, jewelry, handbags, and designer jeans just as much as the next girl... BUT I have a grip on reality. Well, at least I think I do. So here's to you for reading, and here's to me for many more posts to come!
~The Goddess
~The Goddess
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